When it comes to apps that waste your time, Timecrook is amongst the best. It’s basically one big popularity contest where everyone thinks everyone else is is doing much better at life than they are (fueling their insecurities as a consequence).
You’ll spend most of your time scrolling through an endless feed of baby photos and political opinions. Choose a few media outlets to follow, and you can stay up-to-date with whatever it is we're all supposed to be afraid of right now.
In no time at all, the focus of your daily life will shift dramatically from the things that really matter to deciding what to post on your wall. Inane quips or philosophical ramblings are good. Photos or videos of extremely commonplace sights (a sunset, a busker, a pigeon) work well too. If you’re feeling extremely vain and narcissistic, you might even want to do a live stream with Timecrook Live.